National Novel Writing Month

In November 2007, I worked for an independent bookstore (the Reader's Cove). I was in charge of setting up special events. One of the things I was asked to schedule was a "write-in" for NaNoWriMo. We gave free coffee to a bunch of people who hung out in our cafe all afternoon working on this mysterious NaNoWriMo. My interest was piqued.

National Novel Writing Month is about literary production. It's about taking a story and sticking it through. It's not about writing the next Harry Potter, or making money. You spend the entire month of November being creative- 50,000 words worth of creativity. To write 50,000 words in a month, you have to write about 1,667 a day. This means that every day you just write and write and write. No time is spent on editing. To win, all you have to do is finish your quota of 50,000 words by midnight on November 30th.

This is the first November since I heard about NaNoWriMo that I haven't been in school. My friend Ian is participating, and it is thanks to him that I am a NaNoWriMo this year. A chance glance at his Facebook profile reminded me (on October 31st) about NaNoWriMo, and I made a split-second decision to participate this year.

I took a story idea that I've been kicking around for a year, and decided to expand it. So far I have written over 10,000 words, putting me ahead of the game. If I complete all 50,000 words in time, this is the shirt Ryan will let me buy as a reward. I'm pretty dang excited. At least for now. Some days it is really hard to write. That's why you are supposed to tell as many people as possible about it so they encourage you! Consider yourselves my official encouragers.

You can learn more about NaNoWriMo at their website: www.nanowrimo.org

Check my progress and read an excerpt of my potential novel on my author profile page.

I will blog about my progress periodically, and I may even step way out of my comfort zone and post more excerpts. Keep in mind that this is unedited work, written in a frenzy while Sam naps. Be kind.

New Mexico Trip

Sam and I visited my parents last month in our first lengthy separation from Ryan: 9 days! We had a great time sightseeing around their new home, eating yummy food, and generally being spoiled.

White Sands National Monument is about an hour away from their house, and it is definitely worth the drive. It features huge gypsum sand dunes that look like snow from far away because they are so white. We climbed around in the sand, and borrowed sleds from 2 guys to take a few trips down the hill.

My parents' next-door neighbors have 2 English bulldogs. Sam hasn't really spent time with any dogs since he was 6 months old, so they were like a whole new experience to him. He LOVED the dogs and kept making these really cute snuffling noises at them.

We also visited a corn maze, which had lots of other activities like slides and hayrides. We took a hayride to the "U-Pick" pumpkin patch. Sam enjoyed touching all the pumpkins. He even carried a little white gourd around with him, so of course we had to get it for him (luckily it was free).

It was a lot of fun, and I can't wait to take Ryan there for Christmas. I want to go sledding again!

Happy Halloween!

Recap of last year's Halloween: We had a ward Halloween party, that you were supposed to wear costumes for. I had a 4-month old baby, and was VERY excited about it, so I spent all of October working on a family-themed costume idea:

This year, I was not having an energetic October. I felt like it would be lame not to dress up, since we had done such a good job last year, but I really couldn't muster up enough excitement to go buy stuff/make stuff. Plus, I was out of town for the Halloween party, and Ryan had to work over Halloween weekend.

But then my mom bought Sam a pair of denim overalls. By some stroke of luck, she had also sent us a hand-me-down red sweater and red baseball cap. Now, if denim overalls, red shirt, and red hat don't instantly suggest a costume idea, you clearly are not part of my generation...

So I had this great costume idea for Sam, but Halloween falls on a Sunday this year, and I didn't feel like taking Sam out on the Sabbath (after all, he's one. he's not going to put up a fuss).

However, I live in a magical place called Utah, where if a holiday falls on a Sunday, it gets celebrated on Saturday (remember Independence Day?) That means everyone went trick-or-treating on October 30th! On October 29th, I decided Sam was going trick-or-treating, gosh darn it.

Okay, back to the costume. If you haven't figured it out yet, shame on you.

It's-a me-a, MARIO!!

Ryan drew the mustache. We let Sam carry the plunger around the whole time because it was the only way to keep him from yanking off his hat.

We were only out for a half-hour, because Ryan had to go to work, but we had so much fun. Sam was pretty clueless at first, but gradually he figured out he could knock on the door, then reach into a bowl and get CANDY. He wasn't as good at letting go of the candy to put it in the bag, but what did I expect?

I recently returned from visiting my parents in New Mexico. It is... not Alaska. But we had a good time nevertheless. I think I'll do another post sometime with some of the videos and pictures from the trip. But for now...

Happy Halloween from The Reynolds Tribe!

You can't always get what you want

Pregnancy is an emotion-filled ride. It's nauseating (at least for me), it's scary, it's thrilling. When it ends before you want it to, it's heartbreaking.

Last week I announced on our blog the exciting news that we were expecting our second child. I mentioned that I had an upcoming prenatal visit where I could compare how much weight I lost with this baby compared to with Sam. I was close to 12 weeks. Our doctor couldn't find the baby's heartbeat with the Doppler, which he assured me was normal this early in gestation. We pulled out the mini ultrasound machine, "just for fun". I joked that Ryan was going to be so mad that he stayed home with Sam and missed an ultrasound.

The mini ultrasound showed no heartbeat, and no fetal movement. Our doctor called in the attending physician, who confirmed that she couldn't see it either. I got rushed to the diagnostic center for a full ultrasound. It took the tech there about 30 seconds to confirm that the baby had no heartbeat, and had stopped growing about 3 weeks ago. She told me she was sorry, but that it was unmistakable that "my child had died."

Can you die without ever really being alive?

I know from my training in perinatal genetics that miscarriages, especially first trimester losses, are fairly common. Logically, I get that. But the irrational side of me never ever thought I'd be one of the women sharing that common experience.

The days after we got the news were pretty awful. My body still hadn't let go of the pregnancy, so I was still nauseous and exhausted. I had to take medicine to induce the actual miscarriage. Feeling so betrayed by my body was one of the hardest parts for me. Just waiting around for it to happen was awful.

This next section is not for the faint of heart or stomach. I suggest skipping to the next paragraph if you are either.

No one tells you that having a miscarriage is not like having your period. After taking the medicine, I hung out on our hide-a-bed with Ryan, waiting for the bleeding to begin. I felt cramps for a while, which I had expected. We were watching a movie, and I got up midway through to see if anything was happening. Without realizing it, I had bled all the way through to the pad of the hide-a-bed. I ran into our bathroom. As soon as I sat down, I lost two huge blood clots, which no one told me would happen. I think I got a little hysterical at that point. This was all that existed of our baby, and I was supposed to just... flush it away? That is, I think, the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I kept telling myself that the baby died weeks ago, and no spirit inhabited that clump of tissues. But it was still hard. I didn't prepare well for it.

It has been a week now since we found out. Things are getting better. My nausea vanished, and I am trying to make our apartment a home again, something I neglected when I was sick. As my friend Lindsay put it, work is one of the best ways to move past grief. It is still really hard to tell the people who ask me how I'm feeling (because everyone asks pregnant women that question) that I feel fine, physically, because I'm not pregnant anymore.

My sister called me after my mom gave her the news, and cried with me on the phone. She asked me if it felt like I had lost part of my family. What I couldn't say through the tears is this: Those family members who die are not "lost" to us. My family will last forever, every single member of it. I won't get to hold this baby in my arms and say hi after an exhausting, triumphant labor, like I did with Sam. I may have to wait 60 more years to meet this other member of my family (although if I keep eating junk food the way I do now, it might be a lot less), but meet him or her I will. And not just a passing "Oh hello, oh you're that baby? Well great, enjoy heaven", but I will meet them as their mother, who will fill the role of their mother in the eternal life to come. I know that this is true.

As that great philosopher Jagger once said, you can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need. I needed love and support, and to feel like I wasn't going to be left to suffer alone. I have received so much from my wonderful friends and family. Thanks for the flowers, Lindsay. They really cheer up my apartment. Jessica, only you could say "Kara, this really sucks about your fetus" and make me laugh instead of cry. Thanks for the ice cream. Elisa, I can think of no one else I'd rather eat Panda Express with on the day we found out. Somehow, you knew I wasn't ready to talk, and I really appreciate how you let me have a normal dinner and not an awkward one. Mom, thanks for telling the rest of our family for me. It was hard enough to say it on the phone to you. I wouldn't have been able to say it 5 more times. And to all the rest of my friends, thanks for the hugs, and the sorrow I saw in your eyes. Thanks for being sad for me.

Sam is happy to have his mommy back. I think he was really bored with me the past 6 weeks, when I could only watch him play instead of playing with him. I'm really grateful that he is so oblivious to what's going on. It makes it easy to lose my own feelings in trying to make him feel like the most special person on earth. Which of course he is!

Ryan is my rock and my anchor. He accepts my feelings, and always tries to give me what I need. I don't think there is another person out there more perfectly suited to being my other half. I am truly blessed to have him as my husband forever, no matter what.

Don't be sad for me for too long, friends, because I plan on being happy again real soon. We don't move on, we move through, and we come out at the other end stronger, better people.

Blog Hiatus

It's been so long since I updated our blog that I probably don't have any faithful readers left. I understand, guys. My parents came to visit after my last post. They drove from Anchorage to Northern California, dropped off my sister and our dog at school, then drove to Utah to see us. After a couple weeks of Mom sleeping on our couch while Dad was at work, they drove to their new home in New Mexico. Pretty sweet road trip, right? So I didn't blog while they visited, and I didn't blog after they left because...

...I'm pregnant again!

And just like with Sam, I am really, really sick. It takes all of my energy just to be conscious and stand up. Instead of playing with Sam, I have a pillow on the floor of his room, and I lay down while he throws toys at me. Occasionally he dogpiles me, which is adorable except when he lands on my stomach. I don't really cook, unless baked potatoes count. I did make spaghetti last night, and it wiped me out. When I get exhausted, I vomit. I do manage to do laundry, but our apartment is a mess. I've lost weight, in my hips and thighs, which is pretty sweet. Last time I lost 12 pounds by this point in pregnancy. I have a prenatal visit on Friday, so I'll see then how much I've lost this time. Probably not as much. How did I get through my first semester of graduate school like this? I honestly have no idea.

But enough of the pity party. This time around, instead of keeping the pregnancy a secret (which was hard last time considering I threw up in public frequently) we told our Relief Society president right away. The wonderful women of our ward mobilized instantly. We have had dinner brought to us, our dishes washed, and our son babysat. Elisa has been amazing about making dinner at our house, then cleaning up. My mom sent me a Jamba Juice gift card so I could get my fruity cravings satisfied. And of course, I have the most amazing husband on the planet. If I die from hyperemesis gravida, you can fight over him, single ladies. Ryan just washed all our dishes and cleaned up after Hurricane Samuel's spaghetti tornado. He changes poopy diapers when I can't handle the smell. He brings the laundry in from the line when it's dark outside. He goes grocery shopping. He takes out the trash. He watches Sam while I take naps. And he does it all while going to school, working full-time, and preparing to be a Seminary teacher. I may not remember what it is like not to feel like death warmed over (it's been more than 6 weeks since I felt "normal"), but at least this time of trial makes it clear to me how blessed I truly am.

Sammy and I are flying to New Mexico on Friday to spend some time with Mom and Dad. Sam is quite the seasoned traveler. This will be his 6th airplane trip, and New Mexico will be the 9th state he has visited. New Mexico is a new one for me too, actually. As soon as I find my transfer cable, I'll put up some pictures of us.

Literary Discussion: The Hunger Games

Excitement is sweeping the young adult literary nation this week as they count down to the August 24 release of the final book in Suzanne Collins' Hunger Games series. Personally, I haven't looked forward to a book release this much since Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows came out in 2007.

I have resisted the Hunger Games books for about a year now. I recall reading on Stephenie Meyer's website that she loved the book and couldn't put it down, but I was in grad school and pregnant at the time and didn't have a lot of free time left for reading. Now that school is over and Sam doesn't require my constant attention (ha ha), I have had a lot more time for books on my hands. I requested The Hunger Games at the library, but was number 155 on the list to check it out.

One hundred fifty-five? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I knew instantly that I was missing out on something good. No way I was going to wait for 154 slowpokes to finish the book before I got a crack at it. My good friend Mary responded to my Facebook plea for help, showing up at our apartment with both The Hunger Games and its sequel, Catching Fire. That was a Monday night. I promised Mary I'd try to get the books back to her in a week.

It took less than 24 hours. That's right, almost 800 pages, devoured overnight. That's how good these books are. I stayed up Monday night reading as fast as I could, and pretty much ignored Sam and Ryan the next day (they got over it). So let me say, without further ado- READ THESE BOOKS. The third one, Mockingjay, comes out next Tuesday. I am number 285 on the library's hold list, though Mary assures me I can borrow it from her when she's done with it.

At this point of the blog post, you should stop reading if you haven't read Hunger Games yet but think you might. If you've read the books and like overanalyzing them, read on.

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First of all, what struck me immediately about the books is how dense Katniss is when it comes to interpreting the feelings and motivations of others. She pretty much assumes that the world is a certain way, and has great difficulty seeing past her own viewpoint. This is a very handy strategy used by Suzanne Collins to intentionally deceive us in order to twist the plot. She's not the first to use this strategy. Remember in the first Harry Potter book, how Harry is absolutely convinced that Snape is trying to steal the Sorcerer's Stone? Because the book is written from Harry's perspective, we are unable to consider the possibility that someone else might be after the stone. When JKR reveals that it's actually Quirrell, we're blindsided. And good thing too! How boring would it have been to suspect Quirrell the whole time and be right? No, readers enjoy being wrong. Suzanne Collins enjoys misleading her readers into being wrong, and bravo to that, I say.

Here are a few examples: In Hunger Games (THG) when Katniss is saying goodbye to her friends, Madge insists that she take her mockingjay pin, not only to the Capitol, but into the Hunger Games arena itself. Why? It doesn't seem to be a bit odd to Katniss, but if you reread the scene it certainly stands out as a little bit weird. And how about Cinna constantly removing the pin from Katniss' discarded clothes to return it to her? Why should he give a crap about her pin? Again, Katniss glosses over how odd this is, but we as enlightened readers should not. By the end of Catching Fire (CF), the mockingjay has become the symbol of the rebellion. Madge and Cinna (if he's not dead) probably both have big parts to play in the coming book, as shown by their attachments to the symbol of the rebellion.

Another example along the same lines: In CF, Plutarch Heavensbee, the new Head Gamesmaker, shows Katniss his watch with mockingjay hologram during a dance. Katniss, with her disdain for all people associated with the Capitol, assumes he's just another idiot jumping on the mockingjay bandwagon. And then at the end of the book, you find out that Heavensbee is part of the rebellion! Katniss was surprised, but I was not. By then, I had learned what an unreliable narrator Katniss is, and decided not to trust her opinions about people.

If you have time before Mockingjay is released, go back and reread THG and CF. Don't trust Katniss' evaluation of things, and you'll find that a lot of the surprises in the books make sense. I expect that as Katniss is growing up more and more, she will become a more reliable narrator, and we'll see more careful thought from her in Mockingjay. I'd love to hear your thoughts on Katniss as an unreliable narrator and predictions for the 3rd book in the comments!

And I also can't wait to see what will happen re: Gale and Peeta. Yep, I'm a sap.

Veggie Pasta!

Our fave next-door neighbors, the Andersons, went to Europe today. As a thank you for driving them to the airport, they gave us the perishable food from their refrigerator. I got mushrooms and tomatoes, which I hate but Ryan loves. Tonight is Ryan's friend Martin's last night in town, so we invited him and his wife over for dinner. Martin is Muslim, so he can only eat meat prepared by other Muslims.

Free veggies+enforced vegetarian guest= Pasta a la Kara! I sauteed onions, red peppers, asparagus, and mushrooms in olive oil, and tossed it with spaghetti. Top with tomatoes and grated mozzarella cheese... heaven. I abstained from the tomatoes and mushrooms, and thought it was delish. So there you go, friends. A simple, healthy, delicious meal.

In other news...

Sam is a hilarious kid. He recently discovered this stuffed monkey that he's had since he was a couple months old. He wrestles the heck out of that monkey. Sam is not one to play lying down, but not when it's monkey time!

We are moving into our two bedroom apartment in exactly 1 month! We are incredibly excited! Right now, Sam sleeps in a pack and play at the foot of our bed. It's hard to get into our room late at night to go to sleep without waking him up. And if he is awake, he probably looks something like this:

Or sometimes this:

If our kid played baseball, I'd call him Sammy So-sad. GET IT?? MWAH HA HA.

And finally, the summer semester is over, which means I now officially have a master's degree. I want to be addressed as Master Reynolds for the next week. Thanks guys.