A vulture bit my foot today.
I am not making this up.
My friend Michelle and I took our kids to the zoo today. Owing to various reasons (my windshield wipers breaking at the exact same time, and Sam's car seat tipping over while driving), it took us a lot longer to get to the zoo than we had planned. Once we got to the zoo, Benjy had a minor poo explosion, so we had to deal with that before we saw any animals. Instead of seeing some animals and then taking a break so I could feed Benjy, he was demanding to be fed before we even made it to the elephants. The bird show was about to begin, so I suggested to Michelle that we sit and watch the show while I fed the baby. We tried to park our strollers near the door to the Wildlife Theater with all the other strollers, but the door Nazi made us move our strollers way far away (I have more to say about the door Nazi, but that's a story for another post). By the time we got into the Theater, Benjy was pretty unhappy, and there were no spaces available in the shade. We did scoot some kids who were sitting away from their parents, and made enough room for Michelle to sit with her daughter and Sam. I managed to find a seat on the aisle not too far away, and just baked in the sun while Benjy nursed under the safety of his cover. I did enjoy watching the birds while I fed the baby. When he was done, I settled him on my lap and tried to shade him with the nursing cover while watching the rest of the show. The bird handlers started to explain that vultures hunt using their sense of smell, which is unusual for birds.
Then the yellow headed vulture landed on the perch ten feet away from me. Oh wow, that's so cool, I thought.
It hopped off the perch and walked over to me. I can't believe I get to see it up close!
It kept coming. Um, where the heck is the handler? Maybe I should give Benjy to the person sitting next to me.
And then it went for my foot. What the #*(( is happening? Get this %@#*&!! bird away from me! OWW OWW OWW!
That's when the handler finally shooed the bird away. Good thing too, because if I'd lost a toe I'd be demanding that the zoo kill that vulture and give it to me for dinner. You know, like when I ate that ostrich.
They didn't even give me free tickets for the Zoofari Express train.
Flash Fiction Contest #35
16 hours ago